On Being Seen: Why Collaborative Psychological Assessment Matters

In a world of rushed, surface-level interactions, being truly seen and understood is a rare commodity. It’s not just about kind gestures or validation of the parts of yourself you’re proud of, but about a genuine understanding—where someone sees all of you, warts and all. Your strengths, your compassion, but also your secrets, fears, regrets—everything—and accepts you because of it, not despite it. It’s in these moments of shared humanity that we truly feel seen, and the acceptance from another allows us to embrace ourselves more fully.

We all crave it, don’t we? That feeling of someone really getting us. Stephen Finn, a pioneer in the world of psychological assessment, captures this need beautifully. He’s shown how collaborative psychological assessment isn’t just about slapping a label on someone—it’s about helping clients feel seen and understood in a meaningful and transformative way.

The Need to Be Seen

From the moment we’re born, we start looking for connection. It’s not just about talking or listening—it’s about really connecting with someone. Finn talks about this as a fundamental human drive, right up there with our need to form attachments. And when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. We want to be seen and known, not just by others but by ourselves too.

This need is strikingly evident in the work of Harvard developmental psychologist Ed Tronick, who developed the ‘still face paradigm.’ In unsettling experiments, parents were coached to keep their faces completely still in front of their infant children—no smiles, no gestures, no acknowledgment at all. Almost invariably, the infants quickly became distressed, with many bursting into tears. It’s as if, without the mirroring and validation from their parents, these babies felt they’d ceased to exist, and that’s terrifying for them. This shows how deeply ingrained our need to be seen is. And while it’s easy to observe this in young children, the truth is that this need never really goes away—it just goes underground for most of us.

More Than Just a Diagnosis

Getting a diagnosis can be important. It provides a framework to understand what someone is going through and can begin to guide treatment. But most people we see in our practice are looking for something more than just a label. They want to understand themselves better, make sense of their experiences, and feel validated in their struggles.

This is where collaborative psychological assessment, the kind Finn developed, comes in. It’s not just about diagnosing someone; it’s about going on a journey together. In this process, the client is at the center. We start by exploring their questions—what they want to learn about themselves. Then, we work together to chart a path that helps them make sense of the results in the context of their life.

This collaborative approach can be transformative. It helps people build a more accurate, compassionate story about who they are, which can lead to real change. Research shows that this kind of assessment not only helps reduce symptoms but also boosts self-esteem and cuts down on shame. It’s about more than just answers; it’s about a new way of seeing oneself.

Quiet Motivations

Here’s the thing: a lot of times, people don’t even realize they’re seeking to be seen and understood. Often, there are unconscious aspects to their motivations for seeking assessment. And when they find it—when they begin to feel understood—it’s like a light bulb goes off. They’re more engaged, more open, and more motivated to dive into the process.

That’s what makes collaborative assessment so powerful. It’s not just about checking off a box with a diagnosis. It’s about meeting a fundamental human need—to be seen, to be known, and to be understood.

The Case for Comprehensive, Collaborative Psychological Assessment

We all know that insurance companies often push for quick, diagnostic-only assessments. And sure, there’s a place for that. But people are more than just a diagnosis. They’re complex, with stories and experiences that deserve to be fully understood. That’s why we’re such big advocates for comprehensive, collaborative assessment. It offers something deeper, something that goes beyond just putting a label on someone.

Because at the end of the day, the need to be seen and known is as fundamental as it gets.

And honestly, who wouldn’t want that?

So, if you make the decision to call and schedule your collaborative assessment, remember that asking, “When can I be seen?” may mean more than we initially realize.